Updated: Nov 29, 2020
What if you found out that the guy that you were dating had a secret pregnant wife? This is exactly what happened to me. It was devastating, but here is the tale. It's happened to me I'm sure it will have happened to others. You're not alone.
I met this guy as a friend. We went out as a group quite a lot. I helped to do some work for him as a favour. He was kind of flirty and I kind of liked it. I was not long out of a relationship so it was very welcome attention.
We continue chatting for a while. We lived in different cities quite a long way away from each other. Eventually he offered to come down and visit me. Of course I was really up for this. We've known each other for afee months and it made sense to take things to the next level.
He came down and we had the most amazing weekend. It was so much fun, it was really weird, like he really knew me. Little did I know he was a complete psychopath that was going to gaslight me for the next 12 months.
There was some things that started to not add up about his visit and also his communication. There were also some people saying that he had a girlfriend from a group of friends that kind of knew him. I wanted to investigate further and I asked him openly about his ex.
He told me her name and said they split up ages ago, that it had been over for a long time. He said that she was a bit of a crazy psychopath.
I did what any normal person now does with an ex-girlfriend, and checked around social media. I found her on Facebook. Her profile picture was a baby scan, and it said that she was in a relationship with the guy that I've been dating for the last two months.
I immediately called him.
"She's crazy" he said. "she cannot let go"!
"She's PREGNANT!!!" I said. WTAF!!
"She got pregnant on purpose" he said. "She knew that I didn't want kids, she told me she was on the pill, she got pregnant on purpose and I kicked her out when I found out. Maybe it's not my proudest moment, but this is what it is. She's a complete psychopath and I want nothing to do with her."
I didn't know what to do with this information. I mean, I get it if she did get pregnant on purpose that's the most awful thing that you could do. Well maybe not completely awful, maybe murder is worse, but even so you either keep baby in a bad relationship or you get rid of it. Either way it's not great.
I decided to stick by him, Believe him and work with him on this.
The situation became even worse than I imagined.
I started getting more warnings from his friends. Just gentle warnings telling me to stay away from him. Telling me I was a nice person and that there was more going on than I could imagine.
He said that I misunderstood his friends. There were certain times where he was just not available and he said that it was his work, but some of this did not make sense. He kept telling me that I was the crazy one when I questioned this. It all started to sound a little bit familiar, with everybody else being the crazy ones apart from him.
Eventually I did find out the whole story after I'd left him which took 12 long months of me getting up the courage to leave. Only then did I realise what he actually was.
Him and his wife were living together the whole time he was visiting me. They even had a party to celebrate the baby being conceived when it was announced. There was never any time that she was kicked out of the house. They have been living together the whole time. It was me who has been deceived completely all along.
It was him that was the complete psychopath. He was so damned good at deception that he had me completely drawn in the whole time so that I believed him and no one else.
I will always, from now on just listen to those little niggles and all the areas where I think there might be deception.
My advice to you? Just do that little bit of an investigation now if you have any doubts. Save yourself a whole lot of heartache later!!!